So, I have been meaning to come back to this. I have been having some issues in my real life that have impeded this life.
The wife and I are in the process of opening up our marriage. While this might be a cause of celebration for some, I fear what it means for ours. I identify as Polyamorous, whereas she solidly identifies as monogamous. We did not know I was poly when we first got together and started having kids. We knew something was not the same as her, and we knew I struggled with our relationship, but we did not know what I was. About 7 years ago we figured it out.
When I came out to my wife, well, it did not go well. I was just excited to finally identify and understand me, that I just blurted it out to her. While I was feeling elation and excitement, she felt like I shot her in the gut and had the equivalent reaction. Several hundreds of hours of fights and potential divorces later we came to the agreement of just opening ourselves up virtually. I could have cyber affairs, but nothing in real life.
Well, this led to the discovery that I had a bit of an age play fetish. Which was another deal breaker. And the reason it was a deal breaker is because I was hiding those conversations from her. So it was another violation of trust. So, we closed up everything and we went to therapy. The therapist told us basically to get divorced. That there was no way that this was going to work out. We are stubborn and bull headed, so we stopped going there.
I continued to listen to several poly podcasts and reading about it. Keeping one foot solidly in that world, but never being part of it. We talked about it during sex, but that was just pillow talk and feeding into her cuckquen fetish.
Now, something people know about me in real life, random people confess things to me. I am not a priest, so there is no reason for them to do this, but they do, and they have my entire life. I know enough about to write several books about my friends and peers (even random authors), BUT I will not violate their trust and do that. This has led to the thought of possibly becoming a sex therapist. However, my own hang ups prevent me from taking that from a conceptual concept into reality.
I work in IT for a major tech company. In my particular division there is an epic ton of secrecy. As such, we do not trust everyone. And I had worked next to someone for about 3 months. Being as straight laced as humanly possible. Then out of the blue I get a random text message from this guy about how his girlfriend and him are open. This led to an all day conversation getting to know each other. Turns out we are similar in a lot of things, except he did not hesitate to open up their relationship. I explained that I am not practicing, however I am very much poly. His girlfriend really wants to meet with my wife and I to figure out how we have managed to live like we are. She is wanting to close her part of the relationship, but allow him to be him. So that is a very different thing then ours, but I can appreciate needing to get some additional perspectives.
I approached my wife about it later that night and surprisingly she agrees to the meeting. That was 3 months ago and the meeting has not happened yet, but that is just because we have conflicting schedules and are all very busy.
HOWEVER, in that three months, several things have started to shift in my personal life. The request of this meeting has triggered my wife to understand that this part of my life is not just going to go away. And she has done a lot of soul searching and thinking. In the past we have gone to hotel takeovers, but we remained wallflowers. We have had sex in front of people at these parties and that was fun.
Now, we are planning our first threesome together (I have had threesomes and orgies before I was with her and she has never had anything like that) with an old college friend of mine that is a swinger and discussing limitations into how to open up our relationship to make me happy.
She is still very much mono, and I am concerned that this will be the end of the her that I know. I love her. I do not want to see her go down this path and have us be separated. While I am poly, she is the one I want nearby in my final moments. If that means living a life asa a mono person, I am willing to do that. There is booze for a reason. However, I have lived this mono life for two decades now, and it has pulled at me and I have felt like there was something vital missing to me. So I am going slowly and letting things happen all while giving her the opportunity to stop everything. That is why we choose my buddy from college. He and his wife have been in the lifestyle for years and he knows fully the situation, so he understands if she needs to stop everything. I should also point out that even though this is a MFM threesome, there will be no play between he and I. Neither of us swing that way.
Well, this turned out to be a much longer post then I intended, however I guess I needed to get this all out of my head. I promise I will come back to my other forms of writing on here and possibly finish my story lines. Feel free to message me if you have a request on how you want those to go. I have ideas rattling around in my head, but I welcome suggestions and requests. I will also post about my life as it develops.